Friday, November 10, 2017

Four behaviors that derail conversations.

THE MANAGEMENT TIP OF THE DAY: Harvard Business Review

November 08, 2017

Avoid These 4 Behaviors That Derail Conversations

When difficult conversations at work go wrong, they can rapidly devolve into unproductive arguments. Keep your discussion on track by minding the A-BCDs: Avoid Blame, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.

Blame: Try not to make assumptions about what your colleague is thinking, and don’t make groundless accusations. Keep the conversation focused on facts.

Contempt: Acknowledge when you’ve lashed out in exasperation, and do your best to avoid making judgments.

Defensiveness: Take responsibility for your part in the conversation. Are you open to input, or do you interpret new ideas as criticism?

Stonewalling: Commit to listening and contributing with an open mind, instead of avoiding an unpleasant topic or refusing to participate fully in the conversation.
Any of these behaviors can derail a discussion, so make a commitment to yourself — and your teammates — to avoid them.
Adapted from “8 Ways to Get a Difficult Conversation Back on Track,” by Monique Valcour

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

A word to parents and would be parents.

A word to parents and would be parents:

A 1963 Harvard graduate said this:

"My one big mistake in life has been providing a trust fund for my five' children. I'm very comfortable paying for an education for as long as they want to study in a reputable university. However, providing additional funds so they could have a lifestyle beyond what they have achieved on their own was a mistake."

A leadership teacher, John Maxwell says and I quote:

"If you do everything for your children, what will they do for themselves?"

By the time they finish university education, we have slaved and built houses for them, put car keys in their hands and bankrolled their wedding.

What will they do for themselves?

In the course of doing these for them, some people develop hypertension and all sorts of illnesses. Some slump and die. Some even steal to achieve these for their children.

I submit to you all that inheritance goes beyond material things. Give your children the right values, strong character and a revelatory knowledge of the power they carry as a creature of God!

Then they will create water to sell in the dessert and sell sand to the Arabs to build mansions for themselves.

Do something for your children to make them have a softer take off.

The keyword is "take off".

Do not take over their lives because you yourself have your life to live.

Think about these things critically and adjust your approach religiously. Above all teach them the word of God!!!

© 2017. A word to parents and would be parents

Monday, October 16, 2017

Happy Dhanteras. Happy Diwali. 😊👍 What is Puja?

What is puja?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: 

The word 'Pu' means fullness, and 'Ja' means that which is born out of fullness. So puja means that which is born out of fullness. And what you get out of doing puja is also fullness, and contentment. Doing puja creates a subtle vibration in the atmosphere which brings positivity.

Diwali is festival of lights. Lord Buddha said,"Appo deepo bhava", you become a light unto yourself. And the Vedas and Upanishads say'You are all lights, some of you are lit and some of you are unlit, but the potential to glow is in everyone'. 
So Diwali is the day to remove darkness. And to remove darkness, one light is not enough, the entire society will have to light up. It's not enough if just one person is happy in a family, every member has got to be happy. Even if one member is unhappy, the others cannot be happy. So said every home should light up.

The second thing we need to bring into our lives is sweetness. Distribute not just sweets but also sweetness to everybody. The festival of Diwali is to remind you that if you have any bitterness, any pressure, or any stress in your heart, like fire crackers burst it all out and start a fresh new life, and make it a celebration.

Diwali is celebrated on a new moon day, and on this day we invoke the Goddess Lakshmi. Goddess Lakshmi represents the divinity manifesting as the giver of prosperity. In India, God is not only 'He', God is also 'She'. So sometimes God is addressed as 'He' and sometimes as 'She'. Like how white light has seven colours in it, similarly the one divinity has many different flavours. So today is the day we will invoke Lakshmi with all the ancient chanting from the Rig Veda and feel the positive vibrations and the abundance.

The day before Diwali is called Dhanteras. In the ancient days, people would bring all the wealth on this day to the house and place it in front of the Divine. Usually people keep their wealth in the bank, or keep it in the lockers and hide it. But earlier, on Dhanteras day, they would put all their wealth in front, see it and feel abundant. Wealth is not only gold and silver, wealth is also wisdom. So it was celebrated like that. You also must cherish your wisdom and feel abundant.
Dhanteras is also the day of Ayurveda, as herbs are also a wealth. Herbs and plants are wealth. It is said that it was on the day ofDiwali the nectar was given to mankind.

So today, move ahead in life feeling that you are blessed, and feel contented. Whenever we feel blessed, more comes. There is this saying in Bible, "Those who have will be given more and those who do not, whatever little will also be taken back".
From the ancient time, the thought is -- you must feel the abundance. Abundance starts from within and then manifests on the outside. So you have plenty of blessings. Go with this feeling.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Happiness is NOW Don't wait.

Happiness is NOW, don't wait…

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are we able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with... and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting…

--until you get a new car or home

--until your kids leave the house

--until you lose 10 lbs.

--until you get married

--until you get a divorce

--until you have kids

--until you retire

--until you die

There is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So -- work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching.

- Crystal Lloyd

Friday, October 13, 2017

Work Life Balance! Tread Softly. Go Gently.. Your family needs you.

Work Life Balance! Tread Softly. Go Gently.. Your family needs you.

A Doctor graduated to be the best and finest surgeon in the world. At  age 30, he got married. 

The joy of marrying a surgeon attracted his wife to him.

Few weeks after marriage leave he got back to work, thereafter he hardly spent some quality time with his wife.

Their relationship began to go sour.

Not that he's flirting around with other ladies. Not that he now had a bad company. But, at his work place, he was seen as TOO IMPORTANT.

Every patient wanted him. The nurses loved him to handle all the surgeries at hand.

One day, he got home very early from work. The wife was glad that he was at least early today. Just as he was dropping his briefcase, his phone rang and the following conversation went on.

Nurse: Sir, we need you now at the hospital. We have an emergency.

He said : I'm on my way.

The wife was angry with him. As usual, he told her, "Sorry".

This went on for so long.

But one unfortunate day, he had an accident. And....

He died!

The other doctors and surgeons mourned him. They gave his wife cash to take care of herself.

But, can money replace love?

Can some one ' replace a whole man?

You know the answer...

Not too long after, the wife went to that same hospital for some check up.

She was shocked to see someone in her husband's former post. Not only that, she heard someone calling the new surgeon as the best in that town.

She wept bitterly...

Do you know you are replaceable?

Do you know you are NOT too important?

Do you know someone else can do better than what you are doing or what you can do?

Do you know you are cherished now just because you can still perform your right?

Do you know you are celebrated because you are available and useful?

No one's saying you should not help out. No one's saying you should not be a celebrity. No one's saying you should not help others. No one's saying you should be not punctual

BUT,

Take time to rest. Take time to relax. Spend time with yourself.

As bitter as those truths, many of you fail to accept that...

Tread softly... Go gently...

Your family Values YOU

Only they miss the presence of you not the rest of the world.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

The Hedonic Treadmill

The ‘Hedonic Treadmill’

Let’s assume that you believe buying a fancy new car will make you happy. In the short term, it might: for the first week or so, you’ll probably experience great pleasure when you drive. Over time, however, your joy will fade, a phenomenon psychologists call hedonic adaptation. Before long, your new car will blend into your surroundings, and your mind will fixate on something else to pursue in the quest for happiness.

This cycle is called the Hedonic Treadmill: we pursue pleasurable things because we think they’ll make us happy. When we finally achieve or acquire what we’re seeking, we adapt to our success in a very short period of time, and our success no longer gives us pleasure. As a result, we begin seeking something new, and the cycle repeats.

The Hedonic Treadmill explains why people who achieve wealth, status, and fame continue to seek more. Since we’re not satisfied with what we have for very long, it’s only a matter of time before we fixate on something else to achieve or possess.

The Hedonic Treadmill is a major problem if you’d like to experience a feeling of success or achievement for an extended period of time. It’s possible to work hard, invest, sacrifice, and push your way to the top of your field, only to find yourself restless and despondent. You’d be surprised at how many “successful” people aren’t happy with their lives, even after they’ve achieved everything they set out to do.

Short-circuiting the Hedonic Treadmill is tricky: it’s a side effect of Caveman Syndrome. There are, however, a few things we can focus on that tend to lead to sustained levels of life satisfaction. Based on the available research, here are five priorities that will contribute to your long-term happiness in a way that minimizes hedonic adaptation:

1. Work to make “enough” money.

Money contributes to happiness, but only to a certain point. According to a study by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton, money has a positive correlation with reported levels of happiness up to an annual income of approximately $75,000 USD per year, which represents an income in the top third of US households in 2008-2009, the years of the study. This level of income is very achievable: average household income in the study was $71,500.

Once you have enough money to cover the necessities and a few luxuries, you reach a point of Diminishing Returns: every $1 you earn doesn’t provide the same amount of utility. Beyond the point of Diminishing Returns, having more money doesn’t increase happiness, and may actually decrease it by becoming a source of stress and worry. (For examples of how money can decrease happiness, read Fables of Fortune: What Rich People Have That You Don’t Want by Richard Watts.)

Knowing your monetary point of Diminishing Returns is useful: by consciously limiting your consumption beyond a certain point and establishing long-term savings, you can reap the benefits of financial security and Resiliencewithout spending every waking moment working to pay for pleasures you’ll adapt to in less than a month.

As a general rule: experiences contribute more to happiness than material goods. Beyond the point where your needs are met, you’ll get a higher emotional return for your dollar by traveling with people you like than by purchasing an expensive luxury item.

2. Focus on improving your health and energy.

Health is a major contributing factor to happiness: when you feel great, you’re more likely to feel happy. The converse is also true: when you feel ill, you tend to experience less pleasure, enjoyment, and life satisfaction.

Experimenting with ways to improve your typical level of health and energy can result in huge improvements in your quality of life. Remember, the human body has Performance Requirements: food, exercise, and rest are not optional. If you make it a priority to give your body what it needs to thrive, you’ll reap the rewards over the years to come.

3. Spend time with people you enjoy.

One of the single biggest predictors of happiness is the amount of time you spend with people you enjoy: family, friends, and like-minded acquaintances. The context and environment are less important than the people you spend time with.

Different people need different levels of social contact to feel happy. Extroverted people feel energized by social contact, and need to be around others on a regular basis. Introverted people (like me) can go days or weeks with little social contact, and generally get their energy from spending time alone. Still, introverted people benefit from spending time with people they like: regular social time with friends is highly correlated with major sustained increases in life satisfaction. Long meals and trips with friends are a great use of time

According to Dr. George Vaillant, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development (the longest-running longitudinal study of mental health), the results of the study boil down to this: “the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships with other people.”

4. Remove chronic annoyances.

There are many things in life that can wear on your nerves. Examining ways to reduce or eliminate chronic stresses or annoyances can generate signifiant improvements in life satisfaction.

If you find driving in rush hour traffic stressful, moving closer to work is a good solution. If you don’t like your current job, start looking for another. If you find working with a particular customer annoying, fire them. If you always forget to pack your laptop’s power cable when you travel, buy a second cable that stays in your travel bag. By finding simple ways to remove unnecessary stress and frustration, you’ll spend less time and energy feeling bad, and more time feeling good.

5. Pursue a new challenge.

Most people assume retirees feel overjoyed, but that’s often not the case. It’s common for people to derive a sense of purpose and enjoyment from their work, and retirees can feel empty and lost when their former career is no longer a priority. Left unresolved, this sense of loss can spiral into depression.

The solution is to take on an exciting new challenge. This challenge can be anything: acquiring a new skill, completing a big project, or pursuing a major accomplishment. Whether it’s learning a new language, playing an instrument, building something from scratch, or completing a marathon, striving for new achievement is the best way to experience happiness and growth over long periods of time.

Focusing on experiences over material goods goes a long way if you want to step off the Hedonic Treadmill. In the immortal words of Charles Kingsley, a 19th century historian and clergyman: “We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.”

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Sadgurus Advice to 40 years old and older.

Sadguru  ADVICE TO 40-YEARS OLD & OLDER

Because none of us have many years to live, and we can't take along anything when we go, so we don't have to be too thrifty.

Spend the money that should be spent, enjoy what should be enjoyed, donate what you are able to donate

DON'T WORRY about what will happen after we are gone, because when we return to dust, we will feel nothing about praises or criticisms. The time to enjoy the worldly life and your hard earned wealth will be over!

DON'T WORRY too much about your children, for children will have their own destiny and should find their own way.  Care for them, love them, give them gifts but also enjoy your money or what is left of it, while you can. Life should have more to it than working from the cradle to the grave!!

40-year olds, don't trade in - your health for wealth, by working yourself to an early grave anymore. Because your money may not be able to buy your health.

When to stop making money, and how much is enough.           

Out  of thousand hectares of good farm land, you can consume only three quarts (of rice) daily; out of a thousand mansions, you only need eight square meters of  space to rest at night.

So, as long as you have enough food and enough money to spend, that is good enough. You should live happily. Every family has its own problems.

Just DO NOT COMPARE with others for fame and social status and see whose children are doing better etc., but challenge others for happiness, health, enjoyment, quality of  life and longevity.

DON'T WORRY about things that you can't change because it doesn't help and it may spoil your health.

You have to create your own well-being and find your own place of happiness. As long  as you are in good mood and good health, think about happy things, do happy things daily and have fun in doing, then you will pass your time happily every day.

One day passes WITHOUT happiness, you will lose one day.
One day passes WITH happiness and then you gain one day.

In good spirit, sickness will cure;
In a happy spirit, sickness will cure faster;
in high and happy spirits, sickness will never come.

With good mood, exercise, sun, variety of foods, good amount of vitamin and mineral intake, hopefully you will live another 30 or 40 years of  healthy life

ABOVE ALL -
Learn to cherish the goodness around... like your lover,spouse and FRIENDS........... They all make you feel young and "wanted"... without them you are surely to feel lost !!

Wishing you all the best for the years to come.  Sadguru 💐🙏🔔

Saturday, October 07, 2017

Tirukkural

Tirukkural:

Tirukkural  was written by Tiruvalluvar (a Tamil  poet/writer) more than 5,000 yrs ago. It’s one of the ancient sciences on Human Behaviour, which has not changed in spite of modern education  & technology!

SOME GOLDEN THOUGHTS OF THIRUKKURAL:

1. If your children lie to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behaviour.

2. If your children are not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you’ve lost them.

3. If your children had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.

4. If your children do not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.

5. If your children take things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don’t let them chose what they want.

6. If your children are cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.

7. If your children do not respect other people’s feelings, it is because instead of speaking, you order & command them.
 
8. If your children are too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehaviour & you give little attention to good behaviour.

9. If your children are excessively jealous, it is because you congratulate them only when they successfully complete something & not when they improve at something even if they don’t successfully complete it

10. If your children  intentionally disturb you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.

11. If your children are openly defiant, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don’t follow through.

12. If your child is secretive, it is because they are sure that you would blow things out of proportion.

13. If your children back-answer to you, it is because they watch you do it to others & think its normal behaviour.

14. If your children don’t listen to you but listen to others, it is because you are too quick to jump to conclusions

15. If your children rebel it is because they know you care more about what others think than what is right

Pls fwd this to Parents who care to read this!
IT MAY GUIDE OUR MODERN  PARENTING!

Wednesday, October 04, 2017

Yes, I am changing!

YES, I AM CHANGING!

Days slip into weeks, weeks turn into months and months transform into years. Calendars are changing and so am I.

Yes, I  am changing. In certain things age has mellowed me down, in others I have become more aggressive . Sometimes I find myself acting very wise and sometimes I just go crazy. Certain issues will have me speaking vociferously whereas at others I just shrug and remain silent.

Yes, I  am changing. After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, my friends, now I have started loving myself.

Yes, I  am changing. I just realised that I am not “ Atlas ” and the world does not rest on my shoulders.

Yes, I  am changing. I now stopped bargaining with poor vegetables and fruits vendors. After all, a few rupees more is not going to burn a hole in my pocket but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

Yes, I  am changing. I pay the auto walla/ cab waala and walk away without waiting for the change.The extra money might bring a smile on his face.After all he is toiling much harder for a living than me.

Yes, I  am changing. I stopped telling the elderly that they have already narrated that story many times.After  all, the story makes them walk down the memory lane and relive the past.

Yes, I  am changing. I have learn not to correct  people even when I know they are wrong. After all ,the onus of making everyone perfect is not on me.Peace is more precious than perfection.

Yes, I  am changing.  I give compliments freely and generously . After all its  a mood enhancer not only for the recipient but also for me.

Yes, I  am changing. I have learnt not to bother about my creased shirt or mismatched skirt.After all, personality speaks louder than appearances.

Yes, I  am changing. Nowadays I don't bother  if my eyebrows are not done or fine lines are showing on my forehead. After all beauty of my soul outshines the beauty of my face.

Yes, I  am changing. I am learning not to let others make me feel incompetent.After all I am not only what they see in me. I might not be good at certain things but I am excellent at others.

Yes, I  am changing. I walk  away from people who don't value me.After all, they might not know my worth, but I do.

Yes, I  am changing. I remain cool when someone plays dirty politics to outrun me in the rat race.After all I am not a rat and neither am I in any race.

Yes, I  am changing. I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions.After all it's my emotions that make me human.

Yes, I  am changing. I now tell  people if I like them.After all ,there is nothing wrong in liking someone.

Yes, I  am changing. I have learnt that its better to drop the ego than to break a relationship.After all, my ego will keep me aloof whereas with relationships I will never be alone.

Yes, I  am changing. I demand  for whatever  is due to me.After all, accepting injustice is almost as bad as doing injustice.

Yes, I  am changing. I've learnt to live each day as if it were the last. After all, it might be the last .

Yes, I  am changing. I am doing what makes me happy.After all, I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to me.

AND I'M LOVING THE NEW ME...

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Look inside. God dwells in your heart.

Worth a read especially for the stressed out !

A SPLITTING HEADACHE...

The proprietor of a coffee shop had been busy all day.
Being Saturday, it was very crowded and the customers were just unending.

He had been on his toes since morning.
Towards the evening he felt a splitting headache surfacing.

As the clock ticked away, his headache worsened. Unable to bear it, he stepped out of the shop leaving his staff to look after the sales.

He walked across the street to the Chemist, to buy himself a painkiller to relieve his headache.
He swallowed the pill and felt relieved.
He knew that in a few minutes he would feel better.

As he strolled out of the shop, he casually asked the salesgirl, "Where is Mr Savarkar (the Chemist)? He's not at the cash counter today!"

The girl replied, "Sir, Mr Savarkar had a splitting headache and said he was going across to the coffee shop.
He said a cup of hot coffee would relieve him of his headache."

The man's mouth went dry and he mumbled, "Oh! I see."

This is a typical case of looking outside ourselves for something that we have within us.
How strange but true!

The chemist relieves his headache by drinking coffee and the coffee shop owner finds relief in a pain relieving pill!

A man hunts across the lengths and breadths of the universe to find peace.
Eventually he finds it in his heart and realizes that peace is really a state of mind.

He undertakes many a pilgrimage to find God.
Eventually he realizes that God is the in- dweller of the heart.

Have an incredible Life...😃🙏🏽👍🏼🌺