· By Seema Goswami
It was
about two years ago that I did a column about all the things I would tell my
teenage self if I could travel back in time. I thought about it again this week
because a Twitter thread started by @genderlogindia on the same subject threw
up some interesting and some rather surprising responses.
But as I
read through all the stuff that women would have told their younger selves, I
began to wonder whether we would not, in fact, be better off if we gave those
bits of advice to those that need it most: our teenage daughters, or simply
teenagers who could be our daughters. The things we wish we had known when we
were young are exactly the things that young women out there could benefit
learning from.
So, this
Sunday, here is a random scattering of the wisdom (such as it is) that I have
gained through my many decades on the planet, for the benefit of all the
younger ladies out there.
- First
off, repeat after me: Nothing matters very much; and very little matters at
all. Memorise the
phrase. Internalise it. And say it back to yourself every time you feel
overwhelmed by life. It doesn’t matter what the current crisis is. It could be
anything from your first love dumping you to not getting into the college of
your choice or gaining a few kilos. Just repeat the mantra to yourself, and in
time you will realise how true it is.
In a few
years, you will struggle to put a face on the first frog you kissed; none of
your work colleagues will give a damn about which college you attended; and
when you look at your younger photos, you will marvel at how amazing you looked
(if only you’d had the sense to realise it at that time!).
- It is better to be clever than to be cool. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing
against cool girls. They have the best clothes, the funkiest haircuts, the most
rocking accessories and the most amazing swagger ever as they float through
life, surrounded by admirers of both sexes. So, if you are a cool girl, then
good luck to you. But if you are a clever girl, you will make your own luck.
You are the one who will get the coolest jobs, you are the one who will end up
with the most interesting career, you are the one who will have the best ideas.
Your cleverness will last even as their coolness fades (and sadly, it always
does). So, please, be clever enough to see that.
- Focus on female friendships. Yes, I know, those raging hormones are making boys look
very attractive indeed at the moment. But don’t ever turn your back on your
girlfriends. Take time out to have all-girl lunches or dinners if you can’t
quite manage all-girl holiday trips. Bond over Gossip Girl (or whatever your
generation’s equivalent ofFriends and Sex And The City is)
or Gone Girl, or The Girl On The Train, or even the Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s
Nest.
Female
bonding: Don’t ever turn your back on your girlfriends. It is these female
friendships that will survive and sustain you over the years.
And never
ditch your female friends just because a boyfriend asks you out at the last
moment. It is these female friendships that will survive and sustain you long
after that boyfriend is history.
- This is the time to embrace all the
possibilities of life, to try your hand at different things, to experiment and
explore. So, don’t be in a hurry to settle down,
both in your personal and professional life. If you can afford it (or, more
accurately, if your parents can) take a year off and do exactly what pleases
you.
Go trekking
in the Himalayas. Teach in a village school. Intern with a newspaper or
advertising agency. Go backpacking through Europe. This is probably the only
time in your life you can do this sort of thing. After that, it will be time to
get a steady job with a decent paycheque that allows you to pay your own bills.
And then will come marriage and babies to curb your freedom (and whatever you
may think now, they will do exactly that). So enjoy your time as a free agent;
it will be over in the blink of an eye.
- And finally, don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t set yourself impossible standards and then punish
yourself for failing to meet them. Push yourself to do better and be better, by
all means. But also, be realistic about what your body and brain can
accomplish. Not everyone is a natural size 0 (and nor should they be; what an
incredibly boring world that would be to live in!) so focus on being healthy
rather than on being skinny. (Supermodels like Gisele Bündchen or accredited
beauties like Deepika Padukone are genetic freaks. Judging yourself against their
standards is plain stupid.) And not everyone has it in them to win a Nobel
Prize for literature or physics.
The best
way to get the most out of life is to make the most of what you have instead of
mourning all that you don’t. So, stay positive, stay sane, and stay blessed.
And treat each day as the first day of the rest of your life.
From
HT Brunch, November 29
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